The world through my foggy spectacle lenses
Aloha readers!!! I hope you’ve all been well during my absence. The past week has been very depressing for me. But as it turned out I ended up coming out of this depression with whole new outlook on life and the world. Things were blurred initially and nothing made sense. Uncertainty and doubt loomed over me wherever I went and in whatever I did. In short, I wasn’t myself. I was lost!!!
This, I thought was for two reasons:
- Loss of my identity
- EXTREME Negativity in thought
Initially I couldn’t explain either of these 2 reasons properly. Well, I wasn’t even sure that these were the exact reasons until two of my closest friends (Harsha a.k.a SU and Apoorva) slapped it on my face. I am infinitely grateful to these two for doing that. I had trouble digesting these facts at first. But I did a good bit of thinking and eventually figured out that I was indeed being stupid by not realizing these facts and accepting them.
I cannot possibly start to explain how exactly I lost my identity. But I want to try. Who a person is depends on what his actions are. Similarly, I was defined by my friend Harsha as more or less “living in my room”. I was devastated when I learned this. In fact, this was the major reason I went into the depression in the first place. But this did not deter me. I knew what I wanted. I wanted that randomness in everything that I do. Randomness not just in thought but also in actions. The only thing we are limited by is our imagination. And I was limiting my imagination.
Getting out of this was very simple. I became my same old random self again. It was an overwhelming experience. In short I could relate it to that feeling of completeness which we get when we learn that we have a special and unique place in this world. It felt like both warm and cold air was passing through my body at the same time. Every nerve ending in my body was sensing electricity. It was like I had broken into some hidden reservoir of adrenalin and it just kept overflowing.
Once I got myself back, it was easy to realize that I had extremely negative thoughts and my outlook of life was that of sadness and misery. Most importantly, Self Pity. This is one thing no person should have for more than 10 seconds. Things have become so much more lively and fun now that I have realized what this is all about. And my mind is now busy not being buried in a sea of sorrow, but int a lush pasture for it to graze to its heart’s content.
Things that looked blurred and skewed, look clearer and sharper now that I have wiped the fog off the lenses of my spectacles. Until next time, signing off, an awakened man, Pavan a.k.a AnniYan