It has been a very tiring week for me up until yesterday when I finished my Chemistry examination. I am satisfied by my performance and am confident that I will pass. Now coming to the the title. That is the question on most of the people’s minds. I wanted to write this post as an answer to SU’s post. While mentioning Atheism and Theism, every religion wants to prove only that god exists. And if questioned what/who is GOD, they quarrel among themselves saying that their perception of GOD is better than the rest. Now according to me, that is like saying, “My imaginary friend is better than yours.” Now let me make something clear before moving on to the depth of the topic.

I am an Atheist!

Now that I have expressed my point of view about this topic, it would be a little better for you to understand my views even if you don’t agree with or respect them. Now coming to the topic. People whom I know might know how I converted to an Atheist at heart. But people who don’t usually ask two questions with respect to religion.

1. What religion do you believe in? – None. I don’t believe that there is some “power” controlling the workings of the universe. In short, I am an Atheist.
2. You weren’t born an Atheist right? What were you before you converted? – A Hindu Brahmin.(I haven’t converted legally though. Just for the sake of my loved ones.) I don’t really know even if that matters. That is because I think there is only differentiation based on species. Not on something that doesn’t even exist.

I want to accept one fact though. I did convert to Atheism very recently. Not because my troubles were too many or because I followed what another person said. I have had experience with the latter with reference to my close friend Abhilash. My mother asked me whether he told me something that made me disbelieve in GOD. The answer is NO. The first reason for my answer is that he is not someone who forces himself upon someone else. Secondly, I don’t let other people think on my behalf.

There were a series of realizations following which I accepted the truth that there is nothing governing over the goings on of the universe. I will be writing about many such realizations. So if anyone feels that this post is not worth reading further, I suggest you stop now. Moving on, there were four situations which thankfully led me to the truth. They are also inter-connected.

Praying for something all my life:

Now this might sound a lot like I thought this way only because I didn’t get what I prayed for. But I assure you it is not so. I had prayed whole heartedly to “GOD” that I somehow PASS in the examination. But that did not happen. Before you come to conclusions, I want to say that the amount of work and my paper presentation were not up to the mark. I know this because I applied for the photocopy of my answer script and analyzed it. First Realization – It was entirely dependent on me. I cannot blame anyone. To this, many of you will reply, “Only prayer will not lead you anywhere. You need to work accordingly.” To that I reply, “Even if you don’t pray, the amount of work you put in will lead you somewhere.” This is because there is no entity to listen to whatever you say to yourself.

The discussion I had with my friend Abhilash:

Now don’t be misled into thinking that he altered my mindset. I assure you. He did not. The discussion was about how god was created. He produced a very funny explanation that GOD was created because of lonely philosophers who did not have anybody to share their feelings with. To avoid this, they created an imaginary friend called GOD and made people believe that the imaginary friend was not so imaginary after all. However, I don’t believe all philosophers were loners. But I stated my view. God was created to explain the vast mysteries that nature had posed in front of us. An example would be the Aurora Borealis. The northern lights phenomenon. They said the “Valkyrie” made a trail of lights when they rode forward in the Norse mythology. And what do we call them now? Think. Realization two – GOD is a fictitious explanation to the unexplainable.

History of religions being region specific :

When I listen to the discourses given by Hindu pandits and the sermons given by the Christian pastors, I observed a pattern. How come there were no temples all over the world if god existed everywhere? And why would the apparent “GOD” in christianity protect only those that believed in him and not other religions? Last I know, Jesus was only the messenger of GOD. Anyway, that is for you Theists to decide. It is not that I do not respect the beliefs of other people. I only wish that all of you be awakened to the facts and not the myths. Realization three – GOD is not who the people claim it to be.

My performance in this semester’s examination:

This is the last situation. This situation did not exactly make me realize anything new. But I can say it played an important role in establishing the fact. This semester, I have performed very well in most of my exams. The ones I did not perform well, I can only say I hadn’t expected it would turn out that way. Which is entirely the fault of my under-preparedness. Here all of you need observe one point. I did not pray or in any other way ask a supreme being to help me. The result is as you see it now. Before I used to blame that “power” for all my mistakes. But now I found there isn’t anything that I can blame it on. Even if I did, it would be like creating a person who doesn’t even exist, in my mind and then blaming him. Final realization – Nothing controls the workings of the universe. All that happens is because of logic. There is nothing more factual than logic. An example to prove that is given in this link. Man was not created by GOD and women most definitely not from the ribs of a man.

That concludes my post on my perception of GOD. I say that the principle of GOD is myth and will always think so. I still put the Tilaka on my forehead just to make my dad, who is a very orthodox person happy. Signing off, an awakened human being, Pavan a.k.a Anniyan.

PS: This post might not convey my exact feelings as the length and the medium also matters. A phrase said in a letter can mean many things when read from different perspectives.

Note to my brother: If you happen to read this post, please don’t mention about it to mom and dad. They would feel bad if they came to know about my views of god.

After almost 2 weeks since my last post, I had a wonderful idea for a story. I will be writing it part by part as I have not yet planned out the whole story. But first, a sorry to all my fellow bloggers for missing out on their new posts. Now starting with the story.

Once upon a time…

Darkness all around. He thought to himself – “Have I woken up early today?”. That was a nice change to waking up at around 8:30 AM and going to school late by 5 or 10 minutes. They should start schools at 10:00 AM, he thought to himself again. But now that he was awake, there was nothing else to do other than get out of bed. He lazily streched his body and tried to get rid of all the laziness. That done, he made his way dazedly to the wash room and squeezed his toothpaste onto his brush.

Not too far away, in a similar neighborhood, another boy of the same age has a little different schedule. He has a book in his hands and is ranting away as he tries to learn the book by heart. Oh yes, he was the topper in his class too. He believed that studying that early in the morning really helps in remembering things. He was right. He proved himself again and again by maintaining his distinction.

It was now 5:30 AM. Both of them go to the kitchen for a bit of tea. But there is a change in each one’s approach. The first was dearly called Chinnu. His official name was however, Aditya. He went to the kitchen and saw his mother already washing the utensils that were left unwashed the previous night. He wondered for a short moment how she could sleep so late and yet, wake up early. He went to his mother and asked for a cup of tea while he sat on the kitchen counter.The second boy’s name was Kiran, He went to the stove and lit it up. He put the tea pot on it and started to preapare tea for himself and his mother who was busy on the excercise machine.

Both these boys were of the same age. They were, in fact in the same classroom as well. And friends they were too. While one was the class topper, the other was an average student. It was not because he did not study. He could remember every concept that was taught in class. But he could not put it on paper the way the examiners wanted. This was new to both of them. This is not new to many of us too. There is at least one person in each of our lives that follows one of the aforementioned categories.

The 10th standard was taking a toll on each of their minds as it was a public examination and there were many chances that one would not get the exact marks they expected.

Coming to the behaviour and description of these two boys, one could easily say they were the opposite poles of a magnet. They were that different from each other.

Aditya – the class celebrity was average in studies, good in communication and sports. Everyone enjoyed his presence and missed having him around in his absence. Such was his jovial and social nature. He was the teacher’s favorite target for punishments. He never used to complete his homework or any of his classwork. The nuisance caused in class by him was also another reason for the punishments. This being the case, his parents were always nagging him to study properly and come to a good position in life. His parents were hard working and very loving towards their child. He wanted nothing more in his life.

Kiran – the teacher’s pet. One would get the idea of how this boy was when the phrase Teacher’s pet was mentioned. He was a good hearted boy who never spoke to anyone properly. One exception was Aditya. The boys were the thickest of friends in their time. Kiran’s parents were very rich and snobbish. They were very satisfied with their son and thought he did not need any attention to be guided properly. This senseless idea was the reason Kiran longed for his parents’ affection.

The time was 8:30 AM and both the boys left their respective homes to reach their common destination – school. They met at the bus stop everyday and exchanged friendly gestures. As the crowded public bus arrived, they got ready to squeeze in between the gaps of the people that were standing. Each boy’s thought is about the day at school. They are squeezed in the bus while they ponder over it unaffected by the crowd and noise.

That finishes the first part of the story “Once upon a Time”. Looking forward to your feedback.

A warm hello to my fellow bloggers. I have been sharing most of my personal life with you as I would be with my close friends. But there is something I have hidden from for this long. If anyone has the idea that I am a very successful person in life and am doing pretty good with my stuff, I am sorry to say I have misled you. I am currently doing my engineering in APS College of Engineering, Bangalore. I should have been in my final year of college. Unfortunately, it is not so. I really have been putting my share of work towards achieving marks in the examination. I would also like to share with you that I have a fair bit of practical knowledge about the subjects I am studying. But what I apparently don’t have is the theoritical knowledge which is of utmost importance if I want to complete my engineering.

And again I have lost one more year because I could not clear some subjects. As per the rule, I cannot have more than 4 arrear papers. But I have more than 4. i will keep trying and will do whatever I can to finish these papers in this attempt. I have already lost 2 years and I cant afford to lose any more. What worries me most is that my father is on the verge of retirement and I have not given him any proof that I will settle down well in life. Even if I complete my engineering with flying colours, I am very doubtful whether I would get a job. Many of my friends who have passed out with an aggregate of 65-70% are still suffering without a job. I felt a chill go down my spine just thinking about it. What will I do? Will I get a job? If so, will it be to my satisfaction? These questions are what worry me the most these days. They are also the reason why my post quality has come down.

The reason I wrote this post is because even my parents fail to understand these worries of mine. I am not blaming them for anything; as it is not their mistake at all. I haven’t given them anything to uphold their trust in me. It has been many days since I laughed out heartily. Even this moment I am getting a little emotional and a lump is forming in my throat. But I try to hide these feelings from my mother. Since I don’t go to college nowadays, I have no one else to spend time with. My only respite is the short conversations I have with my best friend Harsha (a.k.a SU) and the chats I have with my other best friend Apoorva over the phone. I am hoping that this reign of bad luck will end soon and things will start to look up.

I found this is the only other place where I can say anything I want to and others will listen without interrupting me. So if I have bored any of you I am not sorry. This is just my personal rant and I don’t expect anyone to react to it. I think I feel a little better after letting all this out. Until next time, Pavan.